Dear readers,
Heath care is a serious business. That’s why the occasional moments of hilarity are memorable. This installment of Funny Bones should bring a smile, and might even remind you of something that’s happened in your practice. — eds.
Booby trapped
On an occasion when I was visiting my parents at their home, I needed to do a virtual video call. My mom didn’t know that I was on a virtual call and walked out of her room in her bra and underwear while I was coaching 30 people.
Yes, they could all see her.
When Mom realized what was going on, she threw her hands in the air, screamed, and ran out of the picture.
Perhaps the generations who talk about the importance of changing your underwear should also keep up with changing technology! —D.M., DC
What you don’t learn in massage school
Massage therapists face something on a daily basis—many people often release gas while they are getting a massage. We learn about this in massage school.
What we don’t learn, however, is that while some people fart, others produce what folks refer to as “silent, but deadly” gas.
On a regular workday, I was giving a great back massage. As I pulled the cover up to drape the leg, it leaked out. And I was nearly knocked to the floor. I was trying so hard to be quiet, but it took everything to not gag. I wanted to die. —D.K., LMT
In God we trust
About 14 years ago, I was in my first year of private practice, and a new patient came to my office for an appointment. After the patient completed the paperwork, we went into my office to begin the history consultation portion of the visit. On my patient intake forms is a line, that reads, Who may we thank for referring you? This patient wrote only one word in response to that question: “God.”
Naturally, I thought she was joking around, so once I noticed this I asked the patient with a bit of a smile on my face, “I see God referred you to me?” The patient, with a serious expression and tone of voice, replied, “That’s right doctor.” Instantly my expression became serious, and I was no longer smiling—but I was curious to learn more.
“Oh, OK. How did God refer you to me?” I asked, but this time in a professional tone. “He spoke to me, doctor,” the patient affirmed. By this time, my curiosity was over the moon, “He spoke to you? And did he tell you to come to see me specifically?”
“Yes,” the patient replied. “He spoke to me through your road sign and said he wanted me to see you.”
By this time, I was pleasantly surprised at two things: First, by the prospect that God himself might be helping me build my practice and, second, I was comforted by the fact that the road sign I spent thousands on was finally starting to pay off.
“He spoke to you through my sign?” I asked. I recalled the scene from The Ten Commandments when Moses, played by Charlton Heston, speaks to God through the burning bush.
“Yes, doctor,” the patient replied with an unchanging serious expression. “He spoke to me through your sign.”
Turns out that it wasn’t exactly what I thought.
My patient then began to clarify the divine experience that led her to me. While on her way to Bible study, the patient had been having neck and shoulder soreness for many months, and for the first time ever she saw my sign. The patient recounted this story to their peers in the Bible study group and they all replied, “Oh my! Don’t you see what is happening? God is telling you to go and see him!”
And that’s how she ended up in my office.
Since then, though, I have not received any more referrals from God. I think it’s because God is a little miffed at me because I tell this funny story. I’m hoping he has a sense of humor. —A.L., DC
Michele Wojciechowski is author of the award-winning humor book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box.
