December 3, 2011 — Stress is personal. It's not a separate entity that exists outside of you, but how you react to the world around you. It isn't necessarily bad, either.

In fact, a certain level is healthy and productive. Your body and brain were designed to experience short spurts of high tension known as "fight or flight" when you choose to either conquer the situation or escape from it.

However, you were not designed to endure chronic stress where you stay in the "fight" mode for weeks and months at a time. Unhealthy levels of stress can make you feel drained, irritable, and physically sick. Sound familiar? If so, consider these tips from 21 Days to Managing Your Stress:

• Banish all-or-nothing thinking. Your thoughts direct your actions so it's important to challenge skewed perceptions. All-or-nothing thinking limits the way you see the world. Statements like, "Nothing ever goes right," or "Everyone hates me," are rarely true.

It's more accurate to say that some things go well while others don't, or some people like you and others don't. If you're convinced that you never succeed, then you'll miss the times you occasionally do. Describe your situation using specifics that are truthful rather than relying on blanket statements. Gain an accurate perception by paying attention to the exceptions to your stress.

• Change the question. When you're stressed, your mind can lock in on repetitive thoughts that leave you feeling even more exhausted. Usually, they're questions that create more worries or that you can't answer.

If the questions you're asking make you feel stuck and powerless, change the question.

Start by replacing "why" with "what" or "how." For example, instead of asking, "Why is this happening?" or "Why did they do that?" ask, "What can I do for myself right now?" or "How can I change the way I cope?" The first two questions will keep you stuck while the last two will give you answers to move you forward.

• Re-evaluate friendships. Healthy friendships grow and adjust to changing needs. Just because you've known someone since kindergarten doesn't mean the person still belongs in your life in the same way today. If you've grown and the friendship hasn't, then it's one of obligation.

These types of relationships can be highly stressful unless you renegotiate updated wants and needs. The best test of a healthy friendship is considering how you feel about yourself after spending time with the person. Feeling drained, attacked, or hurt are signs that something needs to change. If you feel confident, respected, and appreciated, it's a healthy friendship.

• Fill Your Own Cup. Reaching a state of overwhelming stress often exposes how much you give to others and how little you think about yourself. If helping others is causing feelings of resentment, and focusing on yourself makes you feel guilty, your intentions are coming from the wrong place.

Service to others needs to come from your energy overflow, not reserves. If you keep serving others out of your own cup without filling it up, you'll soon be empty and then everyone suffers. Don't wait for things to slow down or expect someone else to fill you up. When you're at the point of overflow, serving others is energizing.

Source: Susan Fee, www.susanfee.com