Keeping your ego in check
By Angelica Redleaf, DC

At a recent chiropractic conference, I had a conversation with a chiropractic colleague who told me about her experience as an associate. She said that she didn’t like the experience or her boss' practice, and made a face that expressed her dislike.

The implication was that her style of practice was better than his and was the “right” way to practice.

I said to this colleague, “It sounds as though you had a difference in style and that there wasn’t an ideal match between the two of you.” She was not convinced by my attempt to validate both of their styles of practice.

Comments like hers — “put downs” — are all too common in our profession. Why do we do this to one another?

I think it comes down to a three-letter word: ego — an exaggerated sense of self. If you find yourself talking like this about a colleague, you are caught in an inflated ego place that will not allow you to acknowledge that someone else’s way is OK.

Inflated or deflated ego causes us to need to validate ourselves. For some people, validation allows them to believe they are superior to others, but it is most likely because they feel inferior. Their ego’s reasoning: “If someone else is better than me, that means I am inferior! I will not tolerate being inferior. I am superior.”

To these people, the thought of inferiority is unbearable. In truth, however, someone will always be better than we are in some way. But no one can be better at being us than we are.

People who have a problem allowing others to be better, to know things they don’t know and to think of things before they do, perceive life as a continual problem. It takes tremendous personal growth to accept ourselves and others, “warts and all.” But until we do, we will not be truly happy, because we will always compare ourselves with others. And comparing ourselves with others is a trap: We will always find some way in which we don’t measure up.

If we could only put our egos aside and find value and validity in the things our chiropractic colleagues are doing and appreciate their gifts to humanity, chiropractic and their patients, we could make a major shift in practice consciousness. We would no longer face the dilemma of trying to defend one style of practice over another.

Action steps to get your ego in check:

1. Stop what you are doing. If you find yourself belittling or on the verge of belittling a colleague in any way, stop! Your words do nothing positive for anyone. In fact, they emit negativity into the universe and reveal your insecurity. Is that what we want to do?

2. Engage in some introspection. Ask yourself: “Why do I need to do this? What is the benefit to me?”

If, upon introspection you acknowledge that it is your inflated ego, keep in mind what the Romans used to do when they went to battle: Each general took a slave with him into battle. When the general won a battle, the slave would whisper into his ear, “The enemy was just human. And you are not immortal.”

3. Find the source of your feelings. If you are willing to acknowledge your fear of inferiority, probe to find the cause of it. Where is it coming from? How did it get attached to you?

4. Identify your own strengths. We can’t all be the most successful and most powerful. Find your own strengths and put them into perspective on the continuum of success and power.

As a profession and as individual chiropractors, sending positive messages to ourselves is definitely the way to go.

Angelica Redleaf, DC, has been in practice in Providence, R.I., since 1978. She is the author of Behind Closed Doors: Gender, Sexuality & Touch in the Doctor/Patient Relationship (1998) and is an instructor on boundary training for ChiroEcoCE.com. She is also a consultant to state licensing boards and individual chiropractors and lectures around the world on the topics of sexual boundaries, ethics and addiction issues. Dr. Redleaf can be contacted at angelchiro@aol.com.